This is where i'll record some of my thoughts sometimes! Please keep in mind nothing is off limits here; there might be some triggering topics! i'll try to ad cws and tws when i can, but keep in mind i might forget :)
12/8/23
cleaned my pc room. cleaning this out is helping me feel better. also my dad is giving me his series x so i better make room for that i guess.
thatd be wise. anyways, uh... the entry below. crazy, huh? yeah, just ignore that. im still keeping it up for archival sakes, but if a therapist or something finds it my ass is going to the ward LMAO
Thats it i guess. im probably getting a steam deck for christmas tho! thats fun!
11/29/23
Gah damn.
six months? doesnt matter. not like anyone knows me lmao. id honestly prefer it this way. "but cyrus," he asks, "what of the people you love the most?" he doesnt realize that my ultimate goal is to be off the map. the fuck do the feds need me for? i dont want a social security card, i dont want a legal name or last name. i dont want an official date of birth.
"oh cyrus, what of the people who care for you?"
dont need em. relationships arew just another thing to add to the fucking pile, no?
"ohhh cyrus... you cant possibly say that! humans are social, fun loving creatures! you cannot ignore your dna!"
thats what that bastard of a man used to say all the fucking time. everytime i see that burned fuckwad from new vegas i feel something swell from the depths of my stomach. a knot thats so, so close to popping, finally snapping and letting me find that man and kill him with my bare hands, preaching the same bullshit to him that he used to preach to me. i was such a good victim, wasnt i? i listened to everything you said. i believed you. but father, you son of a fucking bitch, you never believed me. i hate you.
I dont mind sinning. in fact, ill commit every single sin in the book if it means i can go to hell and find you. ill find you, and inflict a punishment much worse that what the devil can offer. you got that, asshole?
to any fbi agents reading this; this is just me being unmedicated maybe. i dont hurt people. i cant hurt people. god frowned upon me and made me weak. theres no way im capable of such a thing. old fucks dead and gone probably.
im just venting here, is all
5/12/23
<It's been a while. How have ya'll been?
I've been okay. I have a crush on someone now, fucks sake. This shit makes me mad and upset and confused. I hate love. I want meds so i don't have to feel it or anything.
Jesus fuck, i need to stop being edgy. Well, my parents are fighting more. they're probabaly gonna be fighting on my birthday, sons of bitches. i wish they didn't fight so much. i just want them to be happy on my birthday n shit. i know some shit will happen. i guess iu better just expect it so it'll hurt less.
Oh yeah, birthday. i'm gonna be 19. shits crazy as hell. can't belive i survived this long without getting killed by a rabid coyote or some shit. that'd be a funny way to go, though.
i guess i'll get back to updating this here site. maybe...
1/30/23
custom domain!!!!!!!!!
so exciting! atually got a cute one for pretty cheap. never thought about using the .fun domain but its pretty cute! work is actually okay nowadays??? weird. anyways! im still working on the video script <3 maybe i'll get to it soon!
1/29/23
So i havent updated in a while. Well, ive been busy. work, mostly.i got a new physical journal though, and ordered some cute astrology themed stuff to decorate it. i might theme it around my studies and what i learn in said studies. I'm also making a liminal space video, yay! even though i have shit mic quality, but hey, im feuled by passion.
1/10/23 + 1/11/23
So my life went to shit! We're down to one vehicle so my schedule is fucked. my parents probably aren't gonna let me go to az unless i just go, so thats stressful! this fucking sucks LOL
manifesting though. maybe when i do my taxes? idfk. and now i have to deal with insurance and shit. itll be worth it since ill be able to drive, but idk. im just nervous. my dad will help but im still nervous as fuck. im just scared
1/9/23
So! progress has been made on the site! a LOT of progress! i love how it turned out, but now it's time for the worst part; different resolutions. and i have work tomorrow, but it's not too bad. at least i'm not closing with my weirdo manager who fucking hates me haha. this site is a good distraction from my real life, and some other super personal stuff. i get to talk about my interests with no one to judge me or anything. i love it
